I'll Be Seeing You
by PennilessPenny
Summary: Eddie is a ruthless punk. He hates everything; people, school, his mother & sometimes even his friends. There are only two things he really thinks he loves-alcohol and Tanya-his 'soon to be girlfriend'. In just a matter of days, though, his whole life gets turned around just by the appearance of a certain girl... (non-canon, mostly OOC)
1. Chapter 1 - Punx that Gave a Shit

He was sitting silently, patiently, waiting. His eyes were fixed upon a young girl's face whose expressions grew weary at his glance. He could tell she grew impatient. His laughter filled the room warmly reaching her in such a subtle way as if to say, "You're next."

"Ey, Eddie, you done with those fries?"

Eddie's smile faded into a serious eye lock with his hungry friend Emmett's face. "Of course you can have them. I can't eat. I'm too excited."

"Can't see why." Emmett replied, shrugging then casting his gaze over to the young girl Eddie was staring at. Her long black hair blew fussily in the wind. She looked like a witch being electrocuted in slow motion.

"She's a keeper," Eddie snorted sarcastically, then continuing to his meal. He shoved it over to Emmett in disgust, and then took it back quickly. "You know, Em, you shouldn't be eating this shit either. What if she runs away? You'll be too slow from this lousy cafeteria food to catch up to her. And you're our fastest runner."

"Oh please? Will you look at her thunder thighs?" Emmett replied hastily, grabbing a load a fries anyways.

"You'll be getting them soon enough." Eddie sighed, looking back at the girl. "She's not even fat."

"You're getting soft."

"Please. She's going to wish she never took that look through Marilyn Manson's closet. I mean look at her? Her eyeliner is just nasty."

Emmett shuddered unenthusiastically-too enticed by his meal to really give in one hundred percent of his importance. Eddie shook his head at him and patted him on the head, ruining half the spikes he had without telling him. He wouldn't care anyways. Emmett's mini-liberty spikes always looked like shit anyways.

"Hey, where'd she go?" Emmett suddenly said.

Eddie tore his gaze away from Emmett's bright green spikes and onto the empty spot where the girl sat just moments ago. Her tray still sat on the table lonely. None of her food was touched.

"Look at that." Eddie griped. His head clouded in anticipation as he stood up off the bench above his best friend. "She didn't eat a thing. She knows were coming to get her, Em. I can just feel it-Emmett, stop eating! I told you not to!"

"Well I can't exactly starve." He muttered.

Eddie shut his eyes for a microsecond longer than usual and ignored what he said. "I think I know where to find her."

"Yippee."

"Don't tempt me, Emmett."

"Whatever, you go get her. Find out her next class. I'll go ahead and see if the lunch lady is giving anymore of those chili-cheese fries."

"Ugh, Em, those fried taste like ass."

"Well ass is good." Emmett got up, towering over Eddie by over half a foot. He snickered as his skinny arm reached over to mock-punch him. "See you later."

"Yea, later." Eddie murmured hastily, walking away with his hands in his jean pockets. They were so tight that he had a bit trouble taking his hands out of them afterwards. No worry though. He knew he looked good in them . . . even though he hadn't washed them in probably a week. His personal hygiene probably had twiddled away into nothing ever since he was fifteen. The only reason why he even brushed his teeth was because he couldn't stand the smell of his breath and because the girl he was dating, Tanya (hottest broad at school) wasn't really that keen towards stinky yellow kissing teeth.

He smiled to himself. Tanya. Every time his mind came across the idea-the very fact that he had kissed her lips, held her hair, groped her thighs, just brings him into ecstasy each time around. He loved the fact that people stared at her as if she were a goddess-because frankly she was. Her short, bob cut hair do stood bright red against her olive-toned, freckly face. Her bright green eyes sent a thousand alarms down his spine-awakening feelings he never knew he had. Tanya was tall-with a wonderful bum and a beautiful complexion. She was so soft and pudgy around her stomach area and he loved it. Literally. Eddie called all of these feelings love.

Tanya says otherwise of course, seeing as all the things that come out of the perfect bee-sting lips make—well-perfect sense.

"You don't love me." She whispers to him over the phone. Each time she calls him, Eddie clings on the telephone as if for dear life. "You love the way I look. You love everything about me. But you don't know they real me."

"I love you." Is all Eddie could utter in her presence. Obviously, they weren't going steady. She didn't really go out on other dates-but she didn't really consider herself tied to him yet. So, saying those three legitimate words, in Eddie's eyes, is the thing that will bring her to him quicker. At least, that's what he hopes every girl wants to hear.

"I'm not a random girl you can just say that to, Edward. You have to really mean it—like really mean it. Like when a drunken person says the truth."

"I love you, I really do. Want to go for a drink?"

Mostly, that's how all of their phone conversations finalize. Well at least on Eddie's end. Tanya usually snickers sensually and then whispers goodbye before he can even say otherwise.

Eddie sighed, walking down the hallway and out into the football field, still fantasying about Tanya. He was so deeply dreaming, that once he reached the back of the bleachers, he didn't even think twice about what he was doing. His hands reached down into his pocket and he pulled out one of his flavored cigarettes. A gift from Tanya. Eddie lit it with the stolen lighter he took from his stepdad and inhaled profoundly, as if he were kissing Tanya's very lips. A small shutter escaped his lips as he exhaled, causing him to close his eyes in satisfaction. If there was one thing better than having a smoke on a warm summer day-he wouldn't even recognize it at first.

Eddie dragged on his cigarette and stared at his watch. Just then, the bell for lunch to end rang.

"_Emmett_." He whispered as he blew the smoke. He should have been at least making his way down there already. There was no doubt that the lunch lady indeed had some extra chili-cheese fries to spare.

Eddie threw his cigarette to the floor. He had forgotten about the young girl from across the cafeteria. He was supposed to follow her but instead, like usual, he ended up on mars, thinking about Tanya. In an exaggerated movement, he landed on the floor in a crisscross stance. For a moment he heard his pants rip—but frankly he didn't really care. His clothes and appearance were the least of his worries for now. Eddie shut his eyes and rubbed them. As he did, the sun's warm rays ceased to give him warmth. He opened his eyes. A shadow casted over him. At first, his unfocused eyes sought to think that it was Emmett, making his entrance a bit too dramatic for his taste, but it wasn't it.

"Have another cig?"

Eddie knitted his eyebrows. "You smoke?"

"No. I'm just asking out of pure curiosity." The girl answered defensively. Her small hand raked the huge black hair out of her face. Tired, mahogany eyes stood above two purple bags.

He paused. It was the small girl from across the room. It was the emo girl that Emmett and he were planning to jump.

"I didn't know lame-asses like you smoked."

Her eyes flashed. For a moment Eddie's heart leapt at the rejection registering on her face.

"I didn't know punks like you _gave_ a shit." She stated, locking eyes with him.

Eddie felt his smile fade away as she gave him a devious, pessimistic smile herself and she walked away.

He could have ran after her and taken all her money. Eddie could had slit her throat and leave it all behind. Instead, he just watched her go, huge black straight hair and all.

"Ed!" Emmett called, breathlessly from the top of the bleachers. "What are you doing down there?"

Eddie's head snapped up. "What does it look like I'm doing, prick? I'm waiting for you!"  
"I thought we were meeting in front of the bleachers! Anyways," Emmett motioned. "Let's get to P.E. I want to pass it this year. Hurry up!"

"Jesus." Eddie spat, running up and throwing his lit cigarette behind him. He would have to deal with her later.

...

Afterschool, Eddie approached his small, lower-middle-class house and dropped himself onto the comfortable, over grown grass. For a few seconds he breathed in heavily, taking in that refreshing grass smell, and then he lifted his head up quickly, picturing a dozen ants being swept into his nose.

"Eddie, baby, is that you?" His mom, Esme, called.

He didn't answer. He just plopped himself backwards and stared at the sky for a bit. He took another deep breath and reached for his pants pocket for a cig.

"Edward Cullen you answer me this instant!"

"Yeah it's me, Mom!" Eddie snapped, growling at the end. Who else would it be? His mom was going completely mental these days.

"Oh okay, great! I need you to do something for me." She appeared onto the porch, wearing a nice tweed suit and black high heels. Her hair was nicely combed back into a bun-showing her high forehead and beautiful skin. Eddie wasn't much of a brag, but he knew his Mom was beautiful. He just didn't mention it to many people (especially his friends) because he knew what type of jokes would follow if he did.

"What is it?" He asked in a muffled monotone.

"I need you to make dinner please because Mama has to go down to the office and help out Mr. Garcia with something. Okay?" Esme let her hands rake her auburn hair and dab her rouged cheeks. "Do I look okay?"

"You look awful."

"Thank you honey." She answered sweetly and continued down the steps near his limp body on the lawn. "Now take care. I'll be back at seven or so. You better not invite those friends of yours and touch my liquor cabinet. Edward! Look at me. Are you listening?"

Eddie opened his eyes, letting the sun into his eyes, and stared at his mother's thin silhouette towering above him. He saw the black outline of her nicely pedicured finger wagging in the air as she talked.

"Yes, Mom." He mumbled, dragging his arm above his face to shield his eyes from the blinding sun and his Mom's weary looking face.

"No alcohol. Behave yourself. Call me. Good bye."

She walked over to her small silver car and drove out silently.

The moment he saw her car disappear beyond the corner, he bolted into the house. Eddie waited a couple of minutes though, looking out the window incase his mom was to come back in case she forgot her cell phone or something, but she never did. In no time, he was already calling up everyone to go over to his house.

Jasper, who lived two houses down got there as soon as he ringed.

"What's the big idea? I have to study." He asked Eddie when he arrived, in his strained New Jersey accent. Jasper was Italian American, brown eyed, curly haired and smart. Eddie wondered why he was still single.

"Listen, we've got a new victim. Nice and fresh. I'll have Emmett clarify as he gets his lazy ass over here."

"Oh Eddie, baby, is your Mothah home? I think she forgot to kiss me goodnight-."

"Shut it, Super Mario." Eddie snapped, letting him into the house and shutting the door behind him right after checking left and right down the side walk. His patience grew thinner and thinner by the minute.

Jasper was busy making himself comfortable in his kitchen though, ignoring the entire fact that Eddie was busy patrolling the phone with one ear and hearing for the front door with the other. He took out a bar of Mayonnaise and commenced his ritual sandwich making.

"If there's one thing I like better than girls, it's making a BLT at your house, Ed."

"Yeah, yeah." Eddie replied impatiently, nearly wanting to clobber Jasper for tearing his attention away from the phone for that useless piece of information. "Have you heard from Tanya lately?"

Now _that_ was one thing Eddie could risk giving his whole one-hundred percent attention to.

"Why the hell-,"

"Because your little sister is Tanya's girlfriend, okay, Jasper? Has she mentioned her? Or brought her home lately . . . ?"

"Now why would Rose kick it with a spaz like Tanya?" Jasper ventured, as he spread the Mayo on one of the bread's sides. He reached for the lettuce before Eddie even had a chance to throw it at him. "I'm joking, kid. I don't know. I don't stalk or eavesdrop. I'm not the one who's obsessed over a broad."

"I am not obsessed. You wouldn't understand love."

"How can you be in love? She's sixteen and you haven't even manipulated her into being your girlfriend."

"I don't need that. We have a bond. It's like a force."

"Is that why you keep check on her through me? What is she a pot roast in the oven or something? Just pop her out already. She is ready. Crisp and golden . . . like the crust on this wonder bread." Jasper stopped talking and took a slow, passionate bite out of the sandwich.

What was it and all of Eddie's friends having an unhealthy relationship with food?

"Well, I do have to keep track on whether or not she's dating another bloke, genius." Eddie sighed, trying to bite back his frustration. Tanya needed to be his by the end of this year.

"Don't worry," Jasper mumbled with a full mouth. "You'll be with her in no time."

Eddie was about to reply to him, when he heard someone's tapping at the door.

"Who the hell did you invite other than Em?" Jasper asked, wiping his mouth with his hand. He scanned the back window, which was where Emmett usually came in through without a warning when he visited Eddie's house. "Emmett hasn't even got here."

Eddie opened up the door. "I'm coming-Jake! For a moment I thought you were Emmett playing a stupid prank on me. Come on in. We have some business."

"You have that bottle of vodka, Ed? I need to get buzzed." Jake nodded, walking into the house and straight to the Liquor Cabinet.

"Sure, help yourself, prick." Eddie rolled his eyes and walked over to the kitchen. "Jazz, let's get going into my living room. Looks like we're going to get started without Emmett."

"Where _is_ Em and Em?" Jake asked, smelling the pink vodka bottle. He made a face and held it away. "Why does it smell so lemony?"

"Esme buys pink lemonade flavored vodka."

"Figures. This is a woman's liquor cabinet. Look at this Margarita Mix? It's pure sugar and flavor."

"That's the point, Jake." Jasper pointed out.

"What a load of shit, Eddie. Really. Where's the gin?"

"We drank it all last week." Eddie lied quickly, even though he had given the remanding liquor to Tanya for the sleepover she was having with her friends. He thought that alcohol offering was a nice thing to do, considering the fact that he was older and responsible, he thought it gave him many points.

"We did?" Jasper asked.

"We did." Eddie repeated.

"Nope. No we didn't," Emmett added, suddenly appearing behind them. "But guess what I've got here?"

"A pack of cigarettes and some Jack Daniel's?" Jasper piped up, expectantly.

"Close! Gentlemen Jack. But guess who spot us?"

Eddie's face snapped up away from the glistening bottle in Em's hand. He was smiling like a devil, wagging his eyebrows up and down like he was demented.

"Who?!" Eddie demanded.

"I did."

There she was. Standing on his mother's rug, with those dirty, ugly tall chuck tennis shoes.

The girl with the straggly black hair & mahogany eyes.

"Belle?" Eddie heard Jake stutter in the background.

He didn't really hear anything.

He was just seeing red.


	2. Chapter 2 - She's Just a Friend

"What exactly do you think you are doing?" Eddie breathed angrily in the kitchen, his back facing the living room. He was standing over his best friend, Emmett, who was just staring right back at him like nothing was wrong.

Emmett put his hands behind his head and relaxed into his chair. Right before he opened his mouth to respond, Eddie cut him off.

"You do realize we were going to fuck her up this afternoon, remember?"

"Jesus, Ed, calm down! I can see the vein in your neck pulsing and it aint pretty."

Eddie craned his neck towards the living room, finding it hard to choose what was harder to stare at-his best friend acting like a complete dumbass or the green-day-loving parasite lounging on his living room couch, talking effortlessly with his friends.

Emmett stood up. "Listen-"

"There is nothing to hear, Emmett. You're out of the crew."

"Out of the crew? For what? For bringing some chick to your house without permission? What kind of shit-rule is that?"

Eddie kept his arms crossed. He couldn't find the words to express the resentment he was feeling-the backstabbing betrayal coming from his own friend. He felt as if though he tried to talk again a stream of vomit was going to fall out instead of words.

The sound of laughter came from behind them. Emmett took a step closer to Eddie, almost touching him. This was how they usually took care of things when the guys argued. They got closer and closer to each other—chest to chest- until one of them get the courage to take the first hit. Between Emmett and Eddie it was usually a joke, but as Eddie looked into his friends eyes, he saw no trace of the usual playfulness behind them.

"You need to take that dick out of your ass-"

Emmett didn't even have time to finish his sentence. Eddie shoved him towards the open door leading to the backyard in an angry impulse. Emmett, seeing it all coming, grabbed onto Eddie's bullet belt and they both spilled over the small steps leading out into the open.

Emmett wrestled himself over Edward and pinned him down.

"Stop! Fucking stop!"

"You sound-like-a god damn little bitch!" Eddie mandage to grunt out as he tried to over power Emmett. It was no use. Even though Emmett was thin, he was broad shouldered and strong. If you were to throw a couple of weights at him he'd become Arnold Swarchenegger in no time.

"I sound like a bitch? I DO? Please, you're the fucking hypocrite here!"

Eddie loosened his grip. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"The pacts!" Emmett gave Eddie one last shove and rolled off him in one smooth move. He pushed his green hair back, trying to flatten the destroyed mess that was his liberty spikes.

Eddie hopped up as well. "If you remember the pacts why go against them, huh? I thought you were serious about this shit, Em!"

Emmett took a cigarette out of his front pocket and lit it, throwing Eddie a strange look.

Eddie just stood there, oblivious. "Well? Tell me, idiot!"

Emmett took deep drags from his cigarettes. He was staring at Eddie like he knew something he didn't-as if Eddie was a foolish child.

"The fuck are you waiting for!?" Eddie spat. He couldn't hold himself back. He heard his house quiet down inside. At this point he didn't care. Emmett never acted strange around him and the guys-well never stranger than usual. He also was never judgmental nor malicious, but they way he was looking at Eddie drove him completely mad.

Emmett threw his cig on the floor, hitting Eddie's foot. "Oh fuck your pacts, Cullen. You don't even follow your own rules."

"Just fucking say what you gotta say, Emmett."

"Don't you remember? First week of freshman year? We were all drinking at the river beds with Sam and the boys. Before we were initiated."

Eddie nodded, impatiently. "We were headed to a show near the projects."

"That night, before we left, Sam recited the rules that you two had worked on."

"I know the fucking rules, Emmett!" Eddie growled impatiently.

"Do you?" Emmett lowered his voice. He didn't look angry. He didn't look like anything. "Because I specifically remember one of those rules was "Don't Fall in Love". What do you say about that huh? What is Tanya to you?"

"She's a friend." Eddie said too quickly.

"Oh for fuck's sake give it up."

"_This_ has nothing to do with that bitch in there." Eddie lastly said.

Emmett's head turned slowly towards the house. Eddie followed his gaze and saw Belle standing on the steps of the kitchen door.

"Do you know what she did this afternoon?" Emmett was laughing. "She fucking took a dive for me. I was carving at a wall afterschool and when I saw a security guard coming I threw my pocket knife aside. The fucker caught me and even found the knife. I denied that it was mine but he didn't stop fucking with me. I was about to give in until _Belle,_ here, came out of nowhere and said it was hers."

Eddie squeezed his jaw shut.

"The cop got confused. While he was dismissing me, this chick left behind his back, leaving him with nothing. I had to thank her."

"Why did you do it?" Eddie asked Belle, who he couldn't bring himself to look at. He could feel her staring at the back of his neck.

Emmett walked out of Eddie's eyesight and closer to Belle. Eddie turned and saw her standing at the door awkwardly, blushing furiously. Most of the hair in her face looked greasy and unkempt. He wouldn't be surprised if she was hiding sickly patches of acne behind those dirty locks.

Belle didn't look at Eddie. She smiled softly at Em, who was putting the ligther he used to light his cigarette in her messenger bag. "I don't know why I did it. I just wanted to."

And with that Eddie was left sitting in his backyard, alone. He didn't bother going back inside to see if anybody had stayed. At this point he didn't even want to be with himself.

Despite his current self-disgust, he couldn't keep his mind off of Tanya.

Tanya. The one that started it all.

**next chaper preview**

**_"What do you mean, it's hard going back, Jake? I was with you. Nothing about our past was difficult."_**

**_"It wasn't difficult then . . . because I wasn't ashamed. I thought what . . . we did was normal. I know now it was all just a stupid cry for attention. It's time you realized that too, Bella."_**


	3. Chapter 3 - Getting Hurt

**Oh harro. This one might be a bit long. I tried being as quickpaced as I could. Thank you for stayin' put and followin' crazy Eddie. **

**(:**

**...**

Eddie took five deep breaths. They were slow and forced. For some reason it felt as thought he hadn't been able to breathe all day.

Eddie was full of anger. His chest ached. He couldn't explain much of it. He spent most of last night getting drunk in his backyard, throwing empty glass bottles at the brick fence. He passed out before his mom came home from where ever she had left. This morning, he had found a fresh pair of socks on the kitchen table and a five dollar bill. Esme was nowhere to be seen.

Standing in fresh socks, Eddie was in front of a beat-down trailer door, holding his fist up to knock. It took all the will power he had to actually knock loud enough for someone to hear. Truth was he didn't even want to be there. Part of him wished no one was home.

But what Emmett had thrown in his face yesterday was driving him crazy.

Mostly it was the fact that-that he was right. In all the four years of knowing him, Emmett was very rarely _right. _In fact, it was never really Emmett's duty in their crew to be . . . right. It was always Eddie. Eddie was like the voice of knowledge, their leader, their anchor-the one who brought them all together.

He remembered the night he and he friends were initiated into South Droogs Crew perfectly. It had been carved into his brain with a razor blade, to be forever engraved no matter the amount of beer he drank. That day was the beginning of manhood, the beginning of life. It was just about four years ago, the summer before he was to start freshmen year at Craven High and he was certain that that had been the best day of his life. Or so . . . it seemed.

Eddie was merely fourteen years old. He was infatuated with 'The Misfits' in fact half of the clothes and apparel he wore had some sort of patch or pin on it informing the rest of the world of that as well. In fact his love for punk was what caught the attention of the older boys from the reservation down south. They were tall, broad shouldered men-and Native American too. You could literally see the five o clock shadows on these kids around noon. Eddie was just a naïve, white boy. He thought he knew all there was too being 'punk' at that age.

Once he bumped into Sam and the others, he knew he had been severely wrong.

Punk wasn't just music. It was a lifestyle, a natural surge enveloped in your being by knowledge, freedom and anarchy. You needed certain attributes to be in the scene. Eddie had them all. He always did, he just never knew it. They were hidden beneath his youth, they told him. Sam showed him and his friends eventually, on the night he was initiated. He was thrown into a pit at a backyard hardcore punk show at the reservation. He launched himself, dazed by the new found ignorance he had gotten from his first 40z, completely fearless-ready for anything. It was THAT type of tenacity needed to be in the crew. It was exactly that type of tactic that proved you were a man.

That night he showed up drunk to his doorstep, sporting a black eye and a ripped lip proudly as he could. Fourteen years old and already a man, he thought.

How did he stay a man? By following the pacts he had agreed to with Sam.

1). Don't Fall in Love.

2). Never Look Back.

3). Fight only for those worth fighting for.

4). Emo people are trash. Make their lives living hell.

5). Drink Beer and Fuck the Rest.

It was the duty of the men to stick together and never put others before their crew. If anyone was to go against this, they were to be dismissed.

Now where was he?

About to be eighteen years old and facing some girl's door.

He had been blindsided.

This whole time he thought he had been in control concerning the good things in his life-well the sober parts of his life. In reality Eddie had been reckless and impetuous-the perfect example of a baby . . . a blubbering gullible fool.

He knew he was nothing but. He refused to admit it.

"Edward."

Eddie snapped back into reality. His eyes focused on a short, pale blonde girl around the age of fifteen. Her eyes were sharp and electric. She was nonetheless, Kate, Tanya's younger sister standing in front of the trailer door.

"Katie, is Tanya home?" Eddie asked as softly as he could. Now a days everything that seemed to come out of his mouth developed into a growl before the sound even left his lips.

Kate looked at Edward up and down, as if it were the first time she had ever seen him. Her thin nose anchored her face comically, as if it were a magnet attached to the center of her face.

"What is it?" He asked, staring at her face carefully.

Kate shrugged. The subtle smell of marijuana fluttered off of her long, straight hair.

Eddie rolled his eyes and stretched around her. "Tanya!"

Inside the trailer he heard a muffled "What?". Kate just turned on her heels and went back inside.

"It's me, Edward. Come out with me." He said a little lower. He had to fight to keep a calm voice.

"No. Come in here. It's cold outside." He heard Tanya say apathetically. It was a bit unusual for Tanya not to put up any kind of tedious fight.

Eddie knitted his eyebrows and took a look at the warm Saturday sun. It wasn't cold at all. He walked in anyways.

Tanya was on her bed, cocooned with layers and layers of blankets. Her usually flat-ironed hair stood curly and wild against her pale skin. She was sick. The terribly minty smell of vapo-rub hit Eddie in the face like a slap. Apparently Tanya saw his expression, since she began to moan, embarrassed.

"Don't look at me, Edward." She groaned. Her voice was deep and dark, like sandpaper. For some reason it made Edward want to be with her right then and now. He felt a sensual tug at his lower abdomen. He guessed it also had to do a lot with the way she called him 'Edward'.

"What's wrong with you?" He whispered, trying to keep his mind off dirty thoughts.

Tanya's thin hands raked the hair off of her face. She sighed. "I don't know. I just woke up and felt like complete shit."

Edward smiled at her sadly, letting his hand pet her silhouette up and down. Since she seemed to be enjoying it, he allowed his hand to graze her legs, all the way to her feet. All he got a feel of was a grip full of leather.

"You're going to be okay."

"I'm dying." She countered.

"No. You still managed to get up this morning and put on your Doc Martens. That's how I know you, Tanya, are going to be alright."

She laughed weakly.

"You look . . . pretty." Eddie said, staring at her eyes. He wasn't lying. He just didn't want to say it. He didn't want to love this girl right here.

"Yea well you smell pretty." Tanya laughed it off. "Seriously, did you sleep in your own puke last night, Cullen?"

Eddie groaned and laughed. "Actually I think I did."

"I think I did too."

"Well you smell ridiculously good." Eddie felt the words come out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Tanya's eyes flashed.

Edward's imploding desire to dominate this girl had never been higher.

She took a deep sigh and freed herself from her blankets. She put her hands on her knees and began to weep.

Eddie grabbed her then, not knowing exactly if what he was doing was right. For a moment he skipped a beat, remembering that she was in fact sick-it was crazy how good she looked even when she had the flu. He didn't have to lie to himself, though. He knew it didn't matter if Tanya had just taken a bite from an onion, he'd still kiss her. As he was doing now.

She was breathing heavily-something he had never heard from her. It excited him.

"You need to do something about that pothead sister of yours," Eddie whispered into Tanya's hair.

Tanya nodded lazily. "Katie! Get out! Go-play or something!"

"I'm fifteen years old what am I going to play? Poker?" she yelled from who the hell knows where.

"GET OUT!" Eddie and Tanya yelled in unison. They froze until they heard the front door slam.

Eddie didn't waste any time. He jumped over her shivering body and practically began mauling her face.

"God, I've wanted you for so long," Eddie groaned against Tanya. Her back arched in the bed, but she didn't respond. She just locked her lips with his, her tongue dancing against his tongue in exaggerated and desperate movements.

He felt her hand rubbing the inside of thighs, teasing him slowly.

Eddie gasped as her finger tips found his zipper.

"I love you." He breathed. "I do-,"

"Shut up." Tanya broke free to say.

"I just want to let you know I'm not just going to leave you here-,"

"God damn it, shut up Edward!" She growled.

Eddie listened quickly and shut his mouth up with hers. He kept waiting for her touch to invade the inner working of his zipper, but it never came.

Apparently Eddie had fazed her enough. She shoved him off of her.

"You don't love me." She said lowly. "Stop saying that."

Eddie arranged himself as casually as he could in his tight pants. "Why is it so hard to believe that I do? I can't help it-believe me, if I could control myself I would. I love you, Denali."

Tanya slapped Eddie in the face. It came so quickly, that Eddie didn't even have time to take his hands out of his pants to prevent it.

"You don't know what love is! Jesus, you're just a fucking kid!"

Eddie felt his jaw tighten. He rubbed the side of his face slowly. Tanya was hugging herself tightly. She was wearing a thin spaghetti strap shirt and she looked skinny and pale. He couldn't think of what to do but to stare at her.

"I know love. I know what it feels like. This isn't it."

"You're younger than I am. You don't know shit." Eddie snapped. The rejection in his voice even surprised himself.

"I know exactly what I'm talking about." Tanya's eyes were watery. She was practically heaving. "Just how I know that all these 'feelings' you've got for me is just sex. Open your damn eyes, Edward!"

"Just because I want to be with you this way too doesn't mean I don't want to-love you the other way too, Tanya. You can't honestly sit there and fucking tell me that we've been dating for all this time and you haven't felt anything-,"

"I've been in love with the same guy since I was fourteen years old." Tanya whispered. She was staring at the small window in her trailer. All traces of anxiety had left her. As if she were convincing herself and not Eddie. "I dated you as a way-out."

"What are you saying?"

"I used you, technically." She breathed. There were tears falling down her face silently now.

"I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"Can't you see? I've been trying to tell you to stay away from me all this time. I was using you as a distraction-but I always was straight up with you-I never lead you on, Edward."

"Straight up with me?" Eddie shrieked. This was too ridiculous. Everybody close to Eddie all seemed to be the same now. He never thought in a million years that it would happen between him and Tanya, nevertheless with his fucking best friend. "How the fuck are you 'not leading me on' Tanya? You almost fucked me five minutes ago!"

Tanya didn't even blink. Her face was no longer in his sight. "Get out."

"I'm not leaving until I get some fucking answers." Eddie got up.

He felt strange. His stomach was tight and queasy and his head felt like it weighed a hundred tons. Without realizing it, he had grabbed Tanya by her arms and began shaking her. She was so weak and sick that she just let herself be thrown around like a doll. She was even smiling a bit. Eddie couldn't handle it.

"Why?" He tried again.

"I've tried everything to stop the pain, Eddie." Tanya chuckled. Her eyes were closed. Eddie was so close to her face that he saw how her eyelashes stuck together with tears. "I've done heroine, cocaine . . . none of it helps me forget the fact that I'm in love and I've been loved for all these years. Love hurts, Eddie. That's how you know. Love is pain. Love is terrible. I was going to sleep with you to try to forget, but I can't kid myself, Edward. I love him. I will never love anyone else."

Eddie threw her on the bed and kicked one of the drawers on the side of her pull-out bed. Tanya was so dazed she didn't even seem to care.

"You're fucking mental." Eddie spat. "What kind of person plays with people like that?"

Tanya shook her head and paused. " . . . You know I _do_ love you. You're one of my best friends."

Eddie began looking for money around the broken drawer. Tanya just stared at him. "You've been spending your life jumping a bunch of fifteen year olds, Edward. How much different are you from me? You get a kick out of beating girls? Don't lie to yourself, now."

"I don't beat girls."

"You haven't beaten me because I listen to punk. Because I'm like 'you'. But if you saw me wearing a 'my chemical romance' shirt at a gig down at the reservation, you'd probably throw empty forties at my feet, huh? I've seen you. You're no better than me. Don't lie to yourself. Get out of SxDxC while you still can."

"You don't fucking understand!" Eddie screamed finally. Tanya shook her head again and let herself fall limp against her bed.

Eddie spat on the floor, dropped everything and ran out of the trailer.

He just kept running. Past the park, past the post office and past the railroad tracks. He ended up at the river beds subconsciously.

Sudden waves of emotions were hitting him all at once. He took off his shirt and literally ripped it into pieces with his bare hands. The truth was, once it started, there was no way he could stop it. Angry tears began falling out of his eyes. He dropped to his knees, on top of the remaining shreds of his black, faded subhumans shirt.

For years he lived in denial. He loved a girl that never loved him back. The worst part of it was that everybody knew too. That's why no one ever stepped up to point him out. Everyone knew Tanya and him were never going to happen. Everybody just saw him as complete and utter fool.

Now what?

Eddie tried to calm his heart. He felt it thumping erratically in his ribcage.

Behind him he heard a twig snap.

"Hello?" He whispered to no one when he turned. All there was the dark shadow coming from the bridge above. In the middle of the ceiling of the bridge stood a thick pillar holding it up over the riverbed. There were probably people behind on the other side drinking or smoking.

Eddie quickly tried to rearrange himself before anybody saw him, that is, until he heard one of his friends voices.

It was Jacob Black.

And he was talking to someone else.

Eddie sprinted to the pillar and craned his neck to try to see. All he saw were two elongated shadows brightened by the street lights.

They were whispering angrily.

It was Jake's voice that stood out louder than the other. He was frustrated. Eddie could tell by the way his voice shook.

"You need to get away." Eddie heard him say lowly. "I can't risk having you here-getting hurt. These guys are capable of anything."

"I know that."

"Then what do you think you are doing? Jesus Christ. You're fucking up your life. Not only that but you're bringing back . . . our past and I can't have that. It's too hard going back!"

"What do you mean, it's hard going back, Jake? I was with you. Nothing about our past was difficult."

"It wasn't difficult then . . . because I wasn't ashamed then. I thought what . . . we did was normal. I know now it was all just a stupid cry for attention. It's time you realized that too, Bella."

Bella?

"Belle." She warned. Acid colored her voice maroon. "It's Belle now. I've changed too, you see. If you want to keep the past buried, I'll do that. I'll do it for _us_."

A moment of silence passed. Eddie strained a bit closer to hear but all her heard was the sound of clothes rubbing against each other. He assumed they were kissing.

"What is this?" He heard Jake say roughly. It sounded as if he were straining to hold on to Belle.

"Nothing!" She panicked. "Jesus, I don't even know why I came down here to meet you. I don't even know who you are anymore."

Suddenly, she jumped out from behind the pillar to run. She flinched when she saw Eddie there, shirtless and dirty. Her hollow eyes narrowed down on him like an eagle scoping it's pray but when she heard Jake call after her, Belle sprinted away in the opposite direction. Eddie watched her run into the steep darkness that became the dry river beds. She was limping slightly. The white shoelaces on her tennis shoes were flailing wildly in the wind-the only thing visible of herself under the dark light of the moon.


	4. Chapter 4 - Off My Back

"You've got three missed calls, Eddie." Esme purred from the kitchen, on a sloppy Sunday morning.

Eddie was laying across the carpet in his living room. He was staring at the ceiling fan make rounds over and over and over…..

"Ed?"

"Yep." He answered promptly, appearing subtly distracted.

"I'll tell you who they're from if you take a shower?" She walked into the living room and stood over him. Her pointy stilettos threatened his eyeballs. She sighed. "Why is that we never see eye to eye, anymore, son?"

Eddie sighed as well. "Maybe it's because I'm taller than you?"

Esme took off her heels and sat next to him, Indian style. "Or maybe it's because you reek so badly, that I can barely even stand being next to you for more than five minutes?"

Eddie smiled a bit and then it faltered as quickly as it came. He rubbed his empty stomach and chest. "Are you sure it's because I smell?"

Esme traced her fingers through Eddie's hair. Her fingers were cold and stern. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know I'm not around much. You don't have to be like that. Besides, it never seemed to bother you . . . before?"

Eddie shrugged.

Esme grabbed him by the cheeks and forced him to face her. "Has it?"

"It's not really that, Mom. It's not anything."

"Nothing is bothering you?"

Eddie fell silent. He wasn't really quite sure how to answer.

Esme just kept looking at him.

"Come on, Mom." He chuckled, in an attempt to make Esme smile. "I never shower. It's nothing out of the ordinary. You should start worrying once I begin showering daily."

Esme snickered and slapped his face a little bit. "You got that right. Now get up and go soak in Clorox for a couple of seconds. I'll let you borrow my cell afterwards."

Eddie propped himself up and dusted his pants. "Nah, it's chill, Mom. I'll deal with it later."

Esme threw her phone into his lap roughly. "You know what, deal with it now. You look like you haven't had much sleep." She got up gingerly and smiled. "It's Tanya."

Eddie's body went limp. Esme missed it though, since she had already made her way back into the kitchen, where she heard the microwave beep.

Eddie opened up the phone and scrolled through Tanya's five calls.

His thumb hesitated over the call button, but he deleted them all. He tossed the phone onto the couch and headed into the bathroom to take a shower.

Tanya was the least of his problems now, he decided, as he searched for a clean towel. He sighed happily to himself as if a load was off of his back. He was a human. He understood now that he had been acting like a kid. As much as Eddie hated to admit it-but Tanya was half right.

He was kind of happy that she had told him everything. He was glad that he hadn't fallen any further. What was he thinking? _Falling in 'love' with some chick_? A chick who was crazy and probably didn't even have an exact grasp on reality-on what was right in front of her or around her? Part of him felt sorry for Tanya-and her addiction to drugs. And all of it for what? A guy? She threw her life away for Sam?

It all seemed so futile.

But then again, he almost made the same mistake. He was ready to fuck her. He was like a dog being lured into a trap with a Scooby snack.

What disturbed him the most-was that for a second he really thought of himself as pathetic. For falling for temptation-for leaving his 'boys' behind. When in fact-Sam, his partner in crime-the one who started it all—was just as weak as _he_ had been. He obviously had something going on with Tanya in her past.

And what about Jake?

Exactly. What about Jake? Eddie hadn't heard from him since he overheard him and Belly-Bitch sneaking around last week. In fact he hadn't heard from much of his friends. At first he was worried that his friends had deserted him-planning a sort of mutiny. But with the information he had on both Jake and Sam he had a key to win back his crew. It was daring and corrupt, he knew.

But it was the only way.

Eddie was only looking at his future at this point. He's leaving Tanya all behind. He was tired of being a boy. He had to live for today, now.

Rule Number Two, right? Don't Look Back.

** CHAPTER PREVIEW**

_**"Get the fuck off me, you perv!"**_

_**"Pervert? Good god, please get over yourself, bitch. You're nothing but a blood-sucking leech."**_


	5. Chapter 5 - Scream All You Want

"Psst! Hey, Cullen!"

Eddie jumped in his seat. He had his head down on the desk, with his arms woven in front of him for support. Had he fallen asleep in class again?

"Cullen!" He heard a whisper.

Eddie took a peep at who was calling him. It wasn't his teacher, that was for sure, since the last time he was caught sleeping in class a book was dropped in his face.

No, not a teacher at all. It was James. Stuck-up quarterback of the fuck-ball team and 'supposed' heartthrob of the school, James Witherdale.

Eddie sighed and stared at him until he got a chance to look back at him while the teacher turned his back.

"Cullen, you slanging some chronic?" James whispered throatily. He flashed his perfect set of teeth at him.

"Shut up," Eddie moaned, as he noticed a few heads turning around him. "I ain't got shit."

He was about to put his head back down when he heard James chair strain against the floor to get closer to his. Eddie's neck was sore. He was growing tedious by the minute. For some reason it was getting harder for him to sleep at home. Usually it was just a couple nights out of the week that he pulled random all-nighters, but now it was getting out of hand.

"Listen," James began, craning his neck to keep an eye on the teacher, "I don't have time for your fucked up games. You either tell me now or I won't buy shit from you."

Eddie looked at the people sitting beside him, who were apparently minding their own business or otherwise, pretending to, and called James closer to him.

James leaned in a little farther, that is, until he reached that certain zone which guys were never supposed to pass. Eddie met him half way eagerly-and spat in his face.

What happened next was kind of fast.

Eddie threw back his chair in a second, tossed his table aside as if it weighed nothing and lifted his fist up all in one swift moment. The adrenaline pumping through his body caused his heart to feel as if it were just about ready to jump out of his chest.

What he didn't expect was to see James still on his chair, with his face in his hands, wiping off the mucus instead of ripping Eddie into shreds. What he did see, though, was Mr. Meyer and the rest of the class staring at Eddie with their mouths nearly touching the floor.

"What the **_fuck_** is wrong with you?" Eddie heard James shriek.

Eddie couldn't stand it. Part of him wanted James to tackle him-anything. He was just sitting there, with this prissy little look on his face. Looking at Eddie like _he_ was the crazy one.

"Get out of my classroom, Edward." Mr. Meyer said wistfully. He took off his glasses and began rubbing his forehead. He sounded as if he were suppressing a huge amount of stress.

"Gladly." Eddie spat back-for no reason.

Mr. Meyer just shook his head disapprovingly and turned back to the board.

Well, fuck it, Eddie thought hastily.

The whole class leaned away from him as he squeezed in through the rows and out of the room. It's as if they actually thought he was legitimately crazy. For a moment Eddie even considered it himself. What was wrong with him? He was supposed to be working things out. Living for today-blah blah blah. Yet it felt like he was on auto-drive. Like he was looking at himself walk and talk from a distance, without any say or direction in it.

Eddie ran up to the gazebo in the lunch area of the school and sat down. He leaned his head back onto a pole and closed his eyes gingerly, letting the sun hit his eyelids softly.

Maybe all he needed was some sleep-some time to forget about the bullshit he had just gone through-he wasn't going to just forget about Tanya overnight, was he?

He breathed in and out. He smiled a bit.

"Why do you always do that?"

Eddie's eyes flew open.

Belle cleared her throat in surprise.

"Do what?" Eddie retorted acidly. He straightened himself up and stared at Belle up and down. She was wearing a long cardigan and a black lace shirt underneath. Her lips were painted ruby red against her pale translucent skin. She looked down right ridiculous. She had quite a nerve showing up here.

Belle took a step back, obviously sensing his offensive attitude. "You always hold your head back like that and sleep. Doesn't it hurt your neck?"

"That's stupid." He said simply.

"It must feel good, huh?"

"To be stupid?" Eddie scoffed.

Belle was walking back and forth now under the gazebo's shadow. "No." She scoffed too. "Doing this."

In a flowing movement, Belle placed herself in the middle of the gazebo, flung her head back and spread her arms wide like an eagle ready for flight. The light seeping through the holes on the roof of the gazebo illuminated and danced upon the skin around her closed eyes. She took a deep breath. "Yep. It feels good."

She smirked, opening her eyes. They were dark, with heavy, sleepy eyelids. For a second they reminded him of Tanya's eyes. Empty. Without purpose. Just there to taunt him.

"Though, it's still weird, I'll tell you that much." Belle continued.

When she made another turn, Eddie took that chance and quickly leaped up as she have her back to him.

She heard him, though and she instinctively crouched back. The gazebo wasn't to big though, and she just hit against the pole. She had nowhere to run.

Eddie looked at her. She was scared. The way her nostril's flared and how her eyes watered. It angered him.

Why was everyone so-lame? Why did everyone hold back? When did it become such a custom to become a coward in life?

Eddie rocked in his heels. For a split second, he had decided to walk away, down the steps and away from her-but then he turned right on the spot and got right in Belle's face.

"Why are you even talking to me?" Eddie breathed angrily. "Why are you always around?"

Belle's eyebrows knitted in fear. "W-what are you talking about? I haven't done shit to you! You're crazy."

Eddie ran his hands through his hair and laughed. "You know what. I **am** crazy. That's just it. Why fucking bother a crazy man? Hasn't anyone told you not to mess with strangers!?"

Belle didn't answer. She was still flat up against the pole, staring at Eddie's face. Her eyes flickered back and forth from each of his eyes, waiting for him to continue.

"God you're fucking stupid. You're a waste of space." Eddie growled lowly, coming up to her face again. Everything bottled in him was just coming out now. It was unstoppable. "You—you and you're fucking little buddies. Jake and Emmett! You're all filth."

"_**I'm**_ filth!?" Belle exploded.

In an awful and crazy moment, Eddie felt his heart flutter. It was strange. He was actually feeling content that she had spoken up. That she was doing something.

"Look at you! Huh! Punking on a fucking girl? Fucking pathetic."

"You don't know me."

"And you know me, right?" Belle laughed. Her voice was soft and shakey. "Wow."

"Why are you even here?" He shouted. "Are you just asking for someone to kick your ass?"

"Oh! OH!" Belle began. Her arms were no longer wrapped around her, keeping a barrier between them. They were flailing around in the air in exaggerated movements, in perfect rhythm to her voice. "What are you going to do? Huh? Hit me? Touch me? Do you want me to scream!?"

She threw her head back on the last word and the birds in the nearby tree flew away in response. Eddie pushed himself up against her and covered her mouth.

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up." He finally said in a concluding voice. He kept a hand over her mouth, careful to keep away from her teeth, and another behind her head.

He heard her muffled screams but he ignored them.

"Scream. Scream all you want." He reached down to his pocket for his blade. "No one's going to hear you."

Before Eddie even got his knife out, in a swift movement, Belle's knee attacked his crotch.

Not once in his entire seventeen years of life had Eddie been kicked in the balls like that. There were times when his friends aimed at his crotch with footballs, but it was nothing compared to being kneed in the BALLS. It felt as if a fridge had fallen on his stomach. As if someone balled up their fist, and uppercut you hard, bulls-eye in the guts. Eddie couldn't think of anything but the pain. He had no choice but to fall onto his knees and grab his crotch in response. It hurt so fucking bad. But even though the pain wasn't even near subsiding, he let one of his hands free to hold Belle's arm in place before she ran away.

"Get the fuck off me, you perv!" She said loudly angling her head towards the buildings, emphasizing on the word pervert.

The bitch was smiling. She was fucking proud of herself.

Eddie couldn't even keep his eyes open. "Pervert?" The pain was too much. He let her go and crouched back down. "Good god," He said through his gritted teeth. "get over yourself, bitch-you're-nothing but-a-blood-sucking leech."

"Whatever. That'll teach you, asshole." He heard Belle spit out. "I want to see you try this same bullshit again. Haha!"

"And what the fuck are you gonna do to stop me, huh?" Eddie growled. He got up gingerly and looked around for her but she was behind the gazebo already, waving at him.

"I'll slit your throat." She said.

"Fuck you!" He shouted at her.

But Belle just stared at him, walking backwards. She lifted her right arm to him, and for a moment he thought she was going to flip him off, but instead she was holding up a blade. The reflection of the sun on the knife glinted brightly. As if that, too, was taunting him.

Eddie's blade. The one that had been in his pocket.

Hands flew to his pockets before he had the sense to run after her. But by the time he had looked up from his pants, she was gone.

Oh, she was not only gone. She was dead.


	6. Chapter 6 - A Voice From Afar

_**Hello everyone, it's me Penny. Just thought I'd let you guys know that I hope y'all had yourselves some wicked holidays! **_

_**Let's all hope the New Year does us some justice! **_

_****_**And about the story. I know what you're thinking. My Edward is pretty hate-able. You guys have to remember this Eddie isn't the flashy, dashing vampire that the dear Stephenie Meyer so eloquently created. **

**This Edward is human-full of raw emotions-full of mistakes and wrong doings. Don't lose hope in him.**

**Now, come on. Let's get a readin'.**

...

"Mom!" Eddie called out, as he made his way into his dim-lit house. "You home?"

The silence came steadily.

Eddie shrugged, banging the door behind him loudly and throwing himself onto the living room couch. His feet protruded along the side of the couch, feeling heavy and blocky because of his old Doc Martens. He was too exhausted to peel them off of him. Also, he didn't really feel like smelling the stink of his own feet right at the moment.

Eddie spent most of his afternoon roaming around the small province of his town.

He couldn't tell whether he was looking for trouble-or just looking for some answers. One thing was for sure. Eddie didn't know what the hell he was doing at this point.

On the coffee table there laid a note, written in a nice, even scrawl that only belonged to his mother. On it it said, "Eddie, baby, there's take-out in the fridge. Also I keep getting calls from your friends at work. Figure your shit out before I do it for you."

Eddie crumbled up the paper in his hands and threw it in a vague direction towards the nearest trash can. He collapsed back into the couch and closed his eyes, hoping that he could be blessed with a dead-like sleep. Where everything was black and empty. So he could have a blank page to start-anything. Because Eddie would rather have that, than feel what he was feeling now. Which was nothing at all. Nothing at all…..

"Edward!" A voice rang from afar.

The voice was beautiful. It was like a million silver bells ringing all at once. As if it were a thousand choir singers all rolled into one.

"Look. I'm not going to have this. Come help!"

Edward opened his eyes. A bright light shined in his eyes. He practically felt his pupils shrink in size. Under his fingers he felt grass and the air smelled of charcoal.

A figure came into view and covered him from the light.

"Come on, you big lug." The woman said. She extended an arm to Eddie and he took it, not knowing what else to do. She pulled him up, face to face.

The woman was strange. She was like nothing he had ever seen before. Her face was clear, symmetrical and angular. She was beautiful. She was plain. She was all things at once. His heart beamed.

"Of course." He heard himself say. He placed his hands on his pants to dust himself and that when he noticed he was wearing different clothes. He was wearing khakis and loose fitting v-neck sweater. His fingers found their way into his hair and his hair was soft and shaggy, not feeling damaged from any kind of bleach or dye at all.

"Put some patties on the grill. I'll go get the kids." Eddie heard the woman say. His head flicked back towards her voice, but when he found her, she was walking away from him. She had soft brown hair.

He felt like he knew her. As if he had known her for years. But Edward knew he'd never seen her before. For he had never met such a perfect woman like that anywhere, especially not where he was from.

Eddie smelled smoke in the air. He followed the scent like a dog being lured by a steak. A grill appeared in front of him, in the middle of the grass, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He didn't make much of it.

Once he started placing the patties onto the grill, a pair of hands fit around his waist. He smiled to himself and leaned back into the woman. Her scent was of sweet, subtle lavender. It was utter ecstasy, her scent, like a sweet wine, inviting him in. The warmth radiating from her body was just right. Like her body was made to fit right into his.

Eddie turned, unable to contain his abrupt clarity. He couldn't fight the urge to be turned away from her any longer-but when he did, he gasped in horror when he saw that her face was now blank.

Literally blank. Like someone came and erased her eyes, nose and mouth off. She was just a living mannequin.

"What's wrong?" She whispered. Her voice seemed to be coming from the trees above them.

"Your face." Eddie replied. "It's gone."

The mysterious woman cocked her head to the side and placed her arms at her waist. "You've got to be bullshitting me."

"What? No. Your-face. It's gone." Eddie cried. All of a sudden a wave of panic seared his chest.

He pulled the woman closer to him, clinging on to her tightly. "Baby, your face!"

Fear stung his body every which way like salt onto an open wound. The feeling was so new, so raw. He felt as though was losing the love of his life. Yet he couldn't do anything about it.

The woman raised her arm to touch her face, but her fingers were gone. She was disappearing.

"Holy shit." Her voice rang. It was getting deeper. It sounded like she was talking in a sewer.

"No!" Eddie yelled, hugging her tightly.

"What the fuck are you on, bro?" She whispered. Her arms were gripping his tighter than before. Her nails were digging into his skin.

Eddie froze. He pushed her off. When she looked at him again, she had a goatie.

"Bro, stop kicking me." The blank face screamed at him.

Suddenly, the face became Jasper's and Eddie sat right up, cold sweat drenching his back.

His head was pounding. It felt as if he was hanging upside down and all the blood had rushed to his face.

For a moment Eddie couldn't tell where he was. He shook his head lightly and squinted in front of him.

Jasper was holding onto him, gripping him tightly by the forearms. His blue eyes were clouded and dark. He smelled of stale cigarette and sweat. Eddie was back in his living room, unscathed. None of it was real.

"Good god! Eduardo, I thought you was dying on me!" Jasper shoved Eddie back and rolled his eyes. "What the fuck are you doing napping in the middle of the day in this heat? You're going to give yourself glaucoma!"

Eddie knitted his eyebrows and groaned as he straightened himself on the couch.

Jasper was still sporting an exasperated look. "I don't even know what the fuck glaucoma is but it sounds fucking scary as fuck and that's exactly how you were acting right, now, man. Scary as fuck!"

"Relax, Jasper." Eddie breathed. His heart was still beating a little irregularly. He shook his head and rubbed it. "How did you get in here?"

Jasper scratched his goatie and raised one of his eyebrows. "Through the back door, man. You sure you okay?"

"I'm fine." Eddie replied hastily. As he lifted himself from the couch, Jasper followed. In a rush, Eddie remembered everything that had happened. How his friends had abandoned him for some chick.

"What the fuck happened in your dream man?" Jasper began to chuckle. "You looked like you were wrestling a bear."

"What are you doing here?" Eddie asked, ignoring the question and trying to keep his voice calm. He was tired of being angry. He was tired of just succumbing to what came easier. He was ready to face facts.

Jasper looked a bit taken a back, though he didn't lose his demeanor. He was a strange one, Jasper. The way he talked and carried himself always threw people off at a first glance. He was almost always seen as a douche, since he always had a clever thing to say to everything. Despite his annoying ways, he always made things better. He knew exactly to make someone at ease.

Eddie felt kind of glad he was there.

"I came with Jake." Aw shit.

"Where is he?"

"In the kitchen, making me a sandwich, I hope!" Jasper made his way into the kitchen. Eddie followed reluctantly. He was half expecting Emmett to be there, not him.

Jake sat on the counter top wearing a black Crass shirt with the sleeves cut off. His face was sunken in, dark and in the shadows. Eddie knew that look.

He was hiding his relationship with that Belle.

Just like he had done with Tanya.

"We need to talk." Jake said in his husky accent.

Jasper's head flickered between Eddie and Jake, just now aware of the tension in the room. His eyes squinted.

Eddie sighed and squared his jaw. "Hell yea we do."


	7. Chapter 7 - She's More Than That

Jasper's thin fingers tapped against the porcelain tiles of the kitchen counter, like an annoying human metronome. His eyes danced to and fro, all about Eddie's small kitchen, as if he had never seen something so amazing in his life.

Eddie crossed his arms and rolled his eyes impatiently. In contrast, he saw Jake relax in the corner of his eye. Their eyes locked.

"So . . ." Jasper began, suddenly standing in between them. He scratched the back of his blonde head and chuckled. "I bet you're wondering why Emmett isn't here?"

Eddie grunted at him, keeping ground. He was waiting for Jake to start the conversation. He was scared that if he were to start, he'd just let all loose-knowing himself, anything could happen.

"Emmett is with Belle at Jasper's house." Jake murmured matter-of-factly. His voice sounded weird, as if he was scared.

Jake was the newest member in SxDxC . He was from the reservation; Sam's neighbor. Being the youngest, Jake always felt the need to over-achieve. There didn't go a day when Eddie ever saw Jake back down in a fight. At shows, in the pits, he was an animal and to be perfectly honest, Jake was one of the toughest guys Eddie knew.

So why was it that he looked so . . . so pathetic, leaning against the kitchen counter? Why was it that his charcoal eyes resembled a dark curtain? What was he shielding behind his eyes?

"What are they best friends now?" Eddie piped up, malice stinging each of his words purposely.

Jasper smiled and opened his mouth to say something, but Jake beat him to it.

"Look, I know what you did to Belle." He began. His fists were rolled up into tight balls, causing his dark arms to bulge in anger.

Eddie crossed his arms a little tighter. "She got off easy."

Jake closed his eyes and shook his head. "Look man, you need to back off. You don't even know her. You had your fun."

"What are you on about, Jake? She stole my blade. This isn't a game."

"I know it isn't game. I'll get back your blade. Just stop all this shit already. If Sam finds out about her, she'll-she'll be-,"

"She'll get what's coming to her." Eddie snapped.

"Bella is just a girl."

"Apparently she seems to be more than that-if she's hanging around Em now, and probably be in your bed later."

Jake's hands fell from his sides and he put them on both sides of his head. "What exactly is your problem, Cullen?"

"My problem is-that girl has taken everything from me! From the moment I saw her-it has been shit, Jake! My best friend has chosen her over me and now the only reason you guys come to visit me is to tell me to back the hell off? How do you expect me to fucking react? When you know yourself it's our job to get rid of people like her from our lives!"

"That's just it! This-," Jake's arms flew towards Jasper and Eddie and himself in a circle. "This isn't our job! It's bullshit, Ed! Can't you see that? Tell me, now, that SxDxC's rules are reason enough to shut out Tanya? We have never given you shit about her! If we were to take these shit-rules seriously, we'd all be dead in an alley somewhere right about now, man!"

"I know that! But I went against what I wanted and forgot about her. I mean, what has this been, then, Jake? For the past four years I've been in this crew. I've risked my reputation, my life-everything. You can't expect me to go back on it all so quickly. I am not you two. I will not ruin my life for some chick!"

Jasper sighed. "We are not asking ya to drop everything and go. We are just pointing out how fucked up Sam and the guys have us. Really, Ed? Look at where we live! A shit town in the middle of nowhere. If we go on like this-beating people for money, drugs, beer-we'll never get out of here."

"It's more than that." Eddie heard himself say.

Jake took a step closer to Eddie and cleared his throat. "Do what ever you want. Just don't hurt her. Hurt her and you're dead."

Eddie looked up from his hands.

Jasper stood behind Jake, flagging his left. Both of them were wearing sympathetic looks on their faces. It was crazy.

"Choose your girlfriend over the crew." Eddie stated. "Fine."

Jake sighed and shook his head, turning. He was headed towards the back door.

Jasper leaned into Eddie's shoulder and said, "You're choosing a meaningless grudge over the crew. That's what you're doin'."

Before Eddie could retort, a ringing came from Jasper's pocket. It was his phone. Jasper made a weird face, shrugged and answered it.

"Wassap." Jasper said into his cell. He made an even weirder face and then his face fell.

Eddie straightened up to leave, seeing that Jake was hanging around the back steps and looking back to see for Jasper. He didn't want to make it any more awkward than it already was. But as he made his way out of his kitchen, Jasper grabbed Eddie's leather jacket.

"What are you doing, you mutt!" Eddie growled lowly, trying to shove him off. Jasper was holding onto his back with one hand and nodding into the phone with another.

"Jasper!" Eddie cried as Jasper mumbled on the phone. "What the fuck!"

Jasper's face wasn't all fun and games, though. He looked pasty and weak. Like he wanted to pass out.

Eddie felt his eyebrows inch closer together in frustration.

Jasper closed his cell phone quietly and closed his eyes.

"Jasper come on, I don't have time for this-,"

"Edward." Jasper said roughly. He wasn't looking into Eddie's eyes. He was staring at the kitchen wall again-which Eddie knew he only did when he felt vulnerable and uncomfortable.

"Jasper!" Eddie heard Jake call from a distance.

"Is it Em?" Eddie asked, half mocking Jake's over-protected voice. "Tell that asshole to 'back-off'. Fucking prick."

"No." Jasper said. His face was stony and frigid. "That was Katie."

Eddie shrugged, walking away. He just couldn't escape it.

"Eddie, wait. Tanya's . . . Tanya's in the hospital." Jasper rubbed his eyes. "She's bad. She's real bad."


	8. Chapter 8 - Fall Hard

**Hello, dear readers. This one was a bit hard to write. I ended up splitting it up in two due to it's length. **

**As always, thank you for the reviews/comments. If you have any questions, feel free to reach me at my inbox. Mucho amor.**

**-****_Penny_**

**...**

"I'm here to see Tanya Denali."

"She's in room-," The nurse looked at clipboard on her table and sighed. "Three-twenty-three. After you, no more visitors. There could only be three at a time."

Eddie nodded, a flicker of curiosity flashing through his mind for a moment, wondering who might be in there with her as well. Of course it would be her Mother and Katie.

Eddie walked over to the hospital map near the nurse's desk and began to look for the room that Tanya was being kept in. It took him about five minutes to really concentrate at what he was looking at. He was fighting the urge to cry, vomit and run around St. Martia's screaming Tanya's name out. His heart ached. He wanted to see her so bad. When Jasper had told Eddie where she was back at his house, it had felt as if though a rug was pulled out from under him. Like the bubble he was locked in his whole life suddenly popped. Everything was sharper now.

"Eddie." He heard his mother's voice from behind. He turned and ran to her, wrapping her in a tight embrace.

"Eddie. Baby. What happened?" She spoke into his hair deeply. Her voice was stern and stripped of emotion. She was trying to keep way calm.

Eddie shut his eyes and didn't break their hug. "Tanya. She fainted at her home with Katie."

Esme gripped Eddie's forearms and took a hard look at him. She searched every single corner of his face, as if trying to memorize him. Her nose was red. She didn't say anything.

"I saw her a couple of weeks ago and she was sick as a dog."

"How sick?"

"I don't really_ know_. I-didn't stop to ask questions. I got here as soon as I could on the bus. I suppose if she fainted, it can't be related to a fever she had so long ago. Fevers don't last that long, do they?"

Esme sighed. "I don't know, kiddo."

Eddie raked his fingers through his hair and opened his mouth to say something, but the tears that were backed up in his eyes beat him too it. They fell hard, in a slight moment of weakness. His breathing was shot, and it felt as if though he was drowning. "_**Mom**_." He managed to utter.

Esme pulled him close again and shushed him. "It could be nothing. Don't cry, Eddie. Stop. You're making me cry."

She began to sob as well and even though he was the one who caused it, he couldn't stand the sound of his mother crying. It tore what was left of his already tattered heart into smaller pieces.

"I don't understand why I'm crying. I'm such a fucking wuss." Eddie sniffed, cleaning his nose with the underside of his wrist. "I just-was so scared. When I heard it. You know?"

Esme nodded, smiling. "Go see her before you drown the place, alright?"

Eddie tried to crack a smile and he gave her one last hug before protruding towards the halls leading to Tanya's room.

It was strange, being in a hospital. It was so white, so clean. Eddie felt so dirty in it. He wore his dark, ripped clothes and they contrasted drastically against the pastel colors surrounding him.

_Though, it was the opposite, really._

The hospital wasn't as 'white' as it claimed to be-or made to be seen. The Hospital, to Eddie, since he was a kid, was always so terrifying. It was a building filled with sorrow, pain and the fight for survival. In fact, this 'white' hospital was ridden with disease, left and right. It was stained with the smell of death and despair-it was all over the air.

Death him**self** lurked around every corner, every room, every door.

Eddie knew that for a fact, since it was him who had taken his father, Carlisle, away from him when he was just 9 years old. He died from cancer.

It was weird, Carlisle's death. In fact, the whole ordeal was strange and annoying to Eddie. For some strange reason, he couldn't remember much of his father. He wasn't that young, yet Eddie still had trouble pinpointing situations with his father, like conversations, funny moments, even embraces. The only thing Eddie could remember sharply was the sound of the heart monitor halting to a stop and erupting in one high-pitched sound. He replayed it subconsciously as he walked down the hospital's hallway. It echoed in his mind, over and over again.

Other sounds followed naturally, like a monorail on a loop.

The sound of his mother wailing at a funeral.

The sound of her getting up in the middle of the night to sit in the chair he used to sit in.

The sound of her nose breathing in his scent deeply from the clothes he left behind.

The sound of her heels clicking. Always clicking away . . . in the opposite direction.


	9. Chapter 9 - Stronger Inside

_**I was away for quite a while and I should've uploaded this much sooner, but I had so much going on! Thanks for reading, though! Love you all!**_

_**and.. also...**_

_**I realize it's tedious-my writing, and I do apologize for any misconceptions. Once again, I am quite new at this, so I'm not perfect. I do, otherwise enjoy your feedback. Just to clarify, I didn't realize I had this listed under 'humourous' when I first joined this site and uploaded IBSY, I had no clue how to work this site. Sorry!**_

_**Also, about the whole Eddie and Bella romance story-just be patient guys. Promise I wont disappoint.**_

...

...

...

Finally, Eddie reached room three-twenty-three. It was a tall door, wooden and polished with a metal handle. He gulped, gave himself one last 'it's going to be alright' in his mind and walked inside.

Katie was asleep at Tanya's side. Her hand was intertwined with hers. It was beautiful.

What looked unnerving was Tanya-whose face was nearly as white the sheets beneath her. Her eyes fluttered open at the sound. Eddie smiled and gulped nervously.

"Close the door," Tanya mouthed quietly.

Eddie nearly slammed it behind him. He walked over to Tanya and sighed.

"Wow, it's cold out there." Tanya said. Her voice was a bit hoarse, not too different from the last time Eddie had seen her. She did look weathered, she looked thin and restless. Her eyes had no shine and her lashes were nearly white.

There was a rustling inside the restroom. Tanya's Mom was probably in there now, being better of hiding her emotions than Eddie felt he was. He could only begin to imagine her pain.

Eddie, trying to normalize the conversation, piped up, "Katie's knocked out."

Tanya knit her delicate eyebrows and chucked. Her fingers stroked Katie's "Yea, they've been here since I was wheeled in. She's a trooper, Katie."

Eddie smiled. It felt wrong on his face, smiling. Like his cheeks were screaming at him to stop forcing his muscles to lift in faux happiness. He took a deep breath and looked around in the room.

A couple of backpacks were huddled next to Katie's chair and some fresh flowers were stationed next to Tanya's bed side. Her hospital room was quite lonely and private-as if she was planning to stay here longer. As if she needed too. Could it be that bad?

Tanya was just staring at Eddie's face. She was smiling, that same wry smile she always gave him. Before, that smile drove him crazy with lust, now it warmed him. It made his heart slow instead of beat faster. She knew exactly what that did to him. She was so smart.

Eddie sat at the foot of her bed and began picking at the blanket's thread. "The nurse at the front told me that I capped the room at three. Told me I'd have to leave if someone else came in to visit."

Tanya nodded. "Yea, they've got lousy rules, here. Also, visiting hours end at 6, you know."

Eddie glanced at the clock on the wall and nodded. "We've got plenty of time."

He turned back to Tanya and her face fell.

"Eddie, I'm glad you came." Tanya breathed. "I've been trying to reach you-for so long."

"I know. And I'm sorry about that. I've-I've just been in such a dark mood."

"It's all my fault, I know."

"Don't say that."

"It is. You don't have to sugar coat this, Ed. I shouldn't have hurt you. I shouldn't have done anything-with-you." Her voice began to shake.

"You're right." Eddie agreed. "You shouldn't have led me on. But that doesn't make you a bad person, Tanya. We are all fucked up. We all make mistakes. We are all one-on this shitty planet-we all make a whole."

Tanya smiled weakly and closed her eyes. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that."

Eddie raised an eyebrow in confusion. "You shouldn't have to wait for forgiveness to be at ease."

"I know-but also, you-you sound so much open. Don't you take your own advice?"

"Huh?"

"Ed, all the things you did in your past-it doesn't make you a bad person either. You were young, gullible. You see that, already. Maybe not directily, maybe not consciously. But you are new. Strong. Stronger inside." Tanya coughed nastily and hoarsely at the end of her rant.

Eddie nodded. He grabbed a hold of Tanya's hand and gripped it tightly. His eyes raked her body from the tips of her feet and to her eyes.

"Tell me."

Tanya shut her eyelids tightly. She squeezed Eddie's hand as she fought the tears that were inevitably leaking out through the corner of her eyes. She was shaking.

"Eddie, I am so sorry." She breathed. Her voice was shaky and her breathing was quick. "I tried-I tried to tell you."

"What is it?" Eddie stammered. "Just tell me. It's going to be al-,"

"I have HIV. I have HIV, Eddie." A long sob exploded from her lips. It echoed across the room-bounced off the tiny corners of her room, and finally reached Eddie-and it numbed him.

Every little ounce of hope was drained out of him. Every little light that he had stored in his head dimmed, his mind went blank. He felt tears rake his cheeks and he noticed he wasn't breathing.

Katie awoke then, her eyes going from sleep ridden to alert and ready in half a second.

"Tanya!" Katie cried. "What's the matter-Eddie! What's wrong with her?"

Eddie dropped Tanya's hand and sat back on the edge of the bed, too shocked to respond.

"I'm fine." Tanya cried. She sniffed and tried to clean away the moisture from her eyes. She was still sobbing a bit.

"You're not fine. You know you're not supposed to be crying, Tan. It'll make your nose stuffed again."

"I'm sorry."

"I'll go get Mom."

"Okay." Tanya nodded.

Katie threw an airy look at Eddie and walked out the door.

Eddie snapped out of his haze and went after her.

"Katie-wait! Your Mom's in Tanya's restroom, I think-the nurse told me she was in with us."

Katie shook her head. "She went out to buy some gloves at the CVS down the street. That's not her in there."

She wasn't in there? Before he could ask who was in there, Katie bolted off. There were tears in her eyes as well.

Eddie tried to gather himself before returning into the room. He wiped the tears from his face and breathed in and out. He was so tired of crying.

At this point, he knew it his duty to be strong for Tanya. She needed to stop crying-and him crying as well wasn't going to help. So he shook it off, used his whole willpower to do so and walked back in.

But when entered, another body was at Tanya's side.

It was Belle.


	10. Chapter 10 - Break the Silence

"O-Okay. What the hell's going on here?" Eddie stammered.

Tanya was blowing her nose loudly with a tissue paper while Belle held a tin can full of trash at her side.

Belle looked strange.

Her usually straight, jet-black hair was off of her face and settled in long, natural waves on her shoulders. Her long locks were chocolate, dark and . . . strangely appealing against her pink cheeks.

She was staring at her hands, barely even moving her face. She knew Eddie was staring at her. She was like a stray cat. Frozen. Waiting for him to make a move.

"What do you mean?" Tanya answered lowly, tearing Eddie's daze from Belle. She seemed to have emptied out an entire tissue box. Tanya's nose was red and fleshy. She looked so bad. But Eddie needed some answers. Quickly.

"What I mean is-,"

"_What he means is_," Belle shot up from her seat and dusted off her clothes in an obvious and awkward manner. She placed her hands behind Tanya and fluffed her pillow affectionately and then sighed. "What he means is-that we've run out of tissue. We should go get some. Shouldn't we?"

Belle finally turned, throwing Eddie a fierce look. She widened her eyes a bit and then motioned to the door behind him. Eddie opened his mouth , about to angrily rant, but Belle jumped at him and pushed him out the door.

"Are you _out_ of your _mind_?" Belle shoved him.

Eddie couldn't even be angry. He was so shocked. It was all too much.

Belle's eye furrowed in impatience. "Are you listening to me?"

Eddie wasn't. He was staring at her face. It was strange. Yet familiar.

It was clear-no trace of makeup at all, just a peachy complexion and pink lips. Her hair was a bright brown at the roots, then growing dark at the tips. Watching her now, so closely, it was like he had never seen her before.

And In a strange and awful moment-it all hit him at once.

His ignorance.

His blindness.

Seeing Tanya in there-sick, scarred forever. Hearing her disappearing voice echo in his mind. It opened him. It awoke him. It was like his whole life, he had been looking at the world from underwater-everything was always unclear, roughed up on the edges, but it was always there. This whole time he could never really see the beauty in it all.

Now he was lifted.

Eddie finally understood the amount of stupidity woven in his life, a braid so deeply embedded into his blood, his soul, how it had been planted there from an early age. How this pattern was thick and coarse, how it ruled him.

Unfastening it all was going to be hard, he though hastily.

He nearly smiled to himself. He was happy. He felt light. It was so new.

But he also felt awful.

"Hey. You! I'm talking to **YOU**!" Belle's voice rang.

Eddie snapped back and coughed. "Oh, wow. Sorry. You were saying?"

"Listen, asshole. I _know_ you weren't ready to walk into that room with my friend in there, ready to go all ape-shit like you always do. I don't have the patience to deal with your crazy shit."

Eddie shook his head. "You don't have patience with me? You're the one who stole my blade."

Belle's eyes softened. She opened her mouth to say something, but then she reached into her back pocket and pulled out Eddie's blade. She held it out before her.

"You aren't going to stab anyone with it, are you?" She murmured, stepping closer to Eddie and looking down and up the hospital hallway.

A couple of RN's passed by chatting loudly, living their own lives separate from the whole mess happening over there, with Eddie. For a slight moment, he envied them.

"My answer doesn't matter. If I were you, I wouldn't believe a word I'd say." Eddie said sadly.

"I should be shoving this down your throat for what you did to me."

"You hit me straight in the balls, little girl. Don't you think you've had enough fun?"

"I have. Now it's time to man up. Tanya's in there and she needs us. Take this, put it out of sight and keep calm. She doesn't need anymore drama in her life as it is. We can settle shit outside. Not in there."

Eddie stared at the blade resting in Belle's hands. He grabbed it, but then gave it back quickly.

"What are you doing?" she asked skeptically, pushing the blade closer to Eddie.

"It doesn't look right in my hands. Keep it, kid. Lord knows you'll be needing it."

Belle scoffed. "Are you threatening me?"

Eddie rolled his eyes. "God-no, can you just shut up and take it?"

"You're fucking mental."

Belle was staring intently into Eddie's eyes, as if taunting him, as if daring him to look away first.

In order to break the silence, he went, "How did it happen? Why did she collapse?"

Belle bit her lip a bit and then looked away.

"I don't know much. The doctor calls it Acute Retroviral Syndrome. It's what's making her sick as a dog. When she dropped from exhaustion last night, Katie didn't know who to call, so she called me."

"Why you?"

"Tanya & I used to be best friends before highschool. We were . . . really close. We did everything together." There was underlining notes written across every single word she had whispered to Eddie. He knew there was so much more to that, but it wasn't time for that now. He needed to be there for Tanya.

"You wanna go back in?" Belle whispered conclusively. Her voice was monotonous, her mind obviously a thousand miles away.

It was strange, how easily Eddie could read this girl's face. Every line and wrinkle on her face told a million stories, each written more passionately than the next. He never would've thought he could ever possibly look into this girls face without any ounce of hatred stinging his eyes. It troubled him.

For a second, he wondered what she was thinking. About Tanya. About the blade.

About Jake?

"Yea." he finally answered.

Belle nodded, looked down and took a shaky breath.

"Look, Belle," Eddie began again. A part of him just wanted to an excuse to look into Belle's eyes one last time, another wanted to explain what he was feeling. "I'm fucked up."

Belle smiled sadly and looked at Eddie up and down as she put her hand on the handle to Tanya's door. "I know."

_**CHAPTER PREVIEW**_

_"Everyone needs to calm the fuck down, now! Let him talk. This ought to be good."  
_


	11. Chapter 11 - The Beauty of the Sky

"Go home. " Tanya whispered finally, after having slept for about five hours straight. Her face looked thin and sickly, but she was trying her best to keep her voice even and calm. Like everything used to be.

Eddie stretched and yawned involuntarily and shook his head. "No way, I'm going to stay until your Mom gets back."

"Come on, Ed." Tanya smiled weakly. She opened her eyelids wistfully and threw him a curious look. She shook her head and laughed. "You look like shit-compared to how you usually look, that is."

Eddie knitted his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. He went over to Tanya's bedside and fixed the blankets around her. She snuggled in closer, then stiffed against him.

"Where's Bella?" she asked suddenly, realizing she was gone. Tanya's eyes grazed over Belle's empty chair.

"She went off to get us some Taco Bell. You know, that crunchy burrito thing is back. I know it was your favourite thing to eat last summer."

Tanya sighed. "Thanks. It's also a good thing Belle went out too. I think she felt like she needed some fresh air, don't you think?"

Eddie looked away guiltily and shrugged. Did she know that he had planned to jump that girl? Her supposed ex-best friend? Or did Belle somehow tell Tanya about how Eddie had threatened her while he was in the restroom? Either way, the skin on the back of neck prickled angrily. He had never felt so horrible in his life.

He noticed Tanya was still staring at him. He scratched his arm and sat down at the side of her bed. "So, she'll be here any minute."

"Look, I know what you're thinking." Tanya sighed.

Eddie looked up at her and froze.

Tanya's eyes watered. "You think you have it too. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Eddie. This is my fault."

"Tanya, we never had sex. I'll be okay."

"But we did kiss. You know it can get passed through like that, right? If I had a cut or something in my mouth-."

"Calm down, Tanya." Eddie stopped her, since she was kind of freaking him out as well. "First of all, like I said, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I should have told you earlier."

"You knew?"

"Yes." Tanya put her forearm on her forehead and tears fell out of her red-rimmed eyes. "I found out a couple of days after we last had talked in my trailer."

Eddie gasped. The phone calls. "You tried to tell me. You called me. And I didn't answer like the fucking idiot that I am."

"I don't blame you." Tanya replied sadly. "I was the one who was being stupid. I was just so sick."

"You did look pretty bad." Eddie murmured truthfully, although compared to how she looked now; pale, sweaty and shaken, it was a step up than now.

Tanya shoved his remark off and whispered. "No, Eddie, I was sick of it all. I was sick of my life and how I stooped so low just, because in my mind, I wanted to _live_."

Eddie didn't respond. He sat there, staring at Tanya's legs.

"It's funny how I hit a breaking point-I wanted to stop so bad, and then this happens." Her arms hovered up and down her torso animatedly. "At least I get what I deserve."

Just then a nurse came in with a tray full of hospital food. She ushered her way in, wagging her fat little but in the air as she did. The atmosphere around her contrasted so harshly against Ed and Tanya. Their eyes met and they smiled at each other.

"My friend's bringing me some Taco Bell. Is that okay?" Tanya told the attendant.

"Sure honey, that's fine. Just don't over eat, alright?"

"Yes." Tanya smiled weakly. The nurse patted her head affectionately and shimmied her way out of the room.

All the meanwhile, Eddie was still feeling terrible about the whole Belle thing. He felt as though he hadn't apologized correctly to Belle outside in the hall earlier, so it was all bubbling inside of him. He could feel it seeping out slowly, and slowly until…..

"Tanya, I have to tell you something." Eddie began. She needed to know the truth. He didn't want her to think any less of him anymore. Because, truly, Tanya was like his best friend. He hadn't noticed it till right now, at this moment. She was always there for him. She always listened. She deserved the best from him. A good way to start was by confessing.

"It's about Belle-,"

The door flew open again, stopping Eddie right in his tracks. He craned his neck again, hoping that It was the nurse, but of course, it was Belle.

"What about me?" She half groaned.

Eddie took a double take.

Belle had a long, blood-red scratch along the right side of her face. It was purple on the corners and looked gnarly as heck. She saw him staring at her and she shoved her fading hair in front of her face.

"What the hell happened to you?" Eddie asked skeptically. Tanya lifted herself a bit higher on her bed behind him.

Belle shook her head and waved him away. "Nothing. It's nothing. On my way to Taco Bell, I tripped over a parking bumper in the parking lot. I went down face first."

"Holy shit." Eddie muttered. He rubbed his own face imagining him in her situation. "How the fuck does that even happen?"

Tanya was snickering lowly in the background.

Belle glared at her and rolled her eyes. "Here's your food you ingrate."

"Thanks." Tanya was cackling at this point, reaching over to grab the bag.

"What's so funny?" Eddie asked lightly, happy to see Tanya not crying for a change.

"Belle is such a clutz. There never goes a week without her getting her feet tangled."

Belle raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. "As a matter of fact, the record was just three times in a month. That statistic is perfectly normal."

"For you maybe," Tanya guffawed hoarsely.

Eddie couldn't help but laugh along. Tanya's new laughter was infectious. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't heard her laugh that hard in a long time-or maybe it was the way Belle's eyebrows stayed perfectly angry all threw their laughter.

"I'm kidding." Tanya managed to say. "I think she's just tired."

Belle sat in her chair. "You're kicking me out, aren't you?"

"You have school tomorrow. You need to go. You too, Ed."

Eddie shook his head. "I haven't gone in a week, doesn't really matter to me."

"Even more reason for you to go!" Tanya mock shouted. "Get out!"

Eddie and Belle didn't move.

Tanya's face scrunched up. "I know. Okay. Come visit me after school or whatever. Just please, go rest. For me."

"Fine." Belle sat up quickly. "But I'll be here.

"So will I." Eddie said.

"I wont be in here for any longer, any ways. Esme is probably worried sick, Ed. Go. Scatter!"

Eddie smiled and walked over to Tanya's bed side. She looked up at him and gave him that same smile that caught his eye when they were at school. It was mischievous and loving. He chuckled and kissed her forehead lightly, thinking to himself that everything was going to be alright. Everything.

"Be safe, Cullen. Open your eyes. Remember what I told you."

"I will." He finally said. He walked out the door with Belle on his side. A tear fell from his eye, but he quickly rubbed it away before anyone could see.

...

"I remember being so in love with Tanya." Bella sighed quixotically to Eddie as they got off the city bus and made their way into the neighborhood. The day was hot. They seemed to be the only ones out and about in such weather.

"You what?" Eddie sneered. He gave Bella a weird look and laughed.

Bella rolled her eyes. The corner of her mouth tugged upwards. She covered her mouth and blushed. "I used to see her all around school. She was so . . . popular. She had this _aura_. It was the way she carried herself. Before the drugs got to her, she was confident, strong, independent."

"I know." Eddie nodded. "I fell in love with that Tanya, too."

Bella knitted her eyebrows at him. "You knew her then, too?"

"She and I used to go see the same bands at backyard shows. Her hair was reddish blonde and curly. All the guys were after her." He looked down. It all seemed like so long ago.

Belle kept her sight forward. "You liked her, too?"

Eddie turned away from her and squinted at the sun. "I thought I did. I don't what I felt. But I know it wasn't love, now."

"It was the heroin." She whispered. "In case you were wondering."

"What?"

"The needles. How she took it. It's what got her—her—sick. She wasn't sleeping around like that-,"

"I figured." Eddie half lied. He knew both had been factors, but when he first found out about it he didn't really know what to think. It could've been anything.

"I don't get how you two are bestfriends-I mean-," Eddie stammered, trying to find the right words to frame his question.

Bella crossed her arms and shrugged. "We grew up. Instead of going out and drinking beer and chasing around bands, I liked staying home and reading. We drifted. We ended up on two different sides of the world, so to speak."

Eddie nodded and kept walking.

They were getting closer to his house. Before he had a chance to ask Belle where she lived, she exploded.

"It's funny, because the first time Tanya and I officially met, she was mouthing off some guys that hit me with a volleyball during P.E. She was defending me. And now she became . . . this, this girl who went from being morally perfect to some chick that just liked to get fucked up. I don't know what it was that turned her-she just stopped talking to me-."

Bella stopped mid-sentence and took a deep breath. She was holding herself, trying to hide how her arms were shaking with anger, confusion.

"You know what, I don't understand what's the allure to all this—to all of what you guys believe in. It's pathetic. Yea sure, you drink, do drugs. Ruining yourself is your decision. Go ahead. Get fucked up. What I don't get is why you have to go after people and harass them, simply because they don't dress the same way you do. Because they listen to the 'wrong music'. Because they are helpless."

"You don't-,"

"All the recklessness, it leads to nothing good. I mean look at Tanya. She's in a hospital bed. And my life has been threatened numerous times in the past few weeks by you-some lowlife kid that barged into my life out of thin air-who doesn't even know a single thing about me. Who can't even begin to imagine how shitty my life has been-who doesn't even understand what their harassment could do to a person, to ruin their esteem, their normalcy, their life. Why try to drag me down with you? I don't get it!"

They had reached Eddie's house without realizing it. They both stared at the house, which stood right in front of the sunset, giving it a ring of orange light around it. The rays danced to and fro across Bella's distraught face. She closed her eyes and shook her head in anger.

He sighed, giving up. "I don't know anything else, Bella. I don't. I was young when I was brought into all this shit. This is my life. & I don't know exactly what to tell you."

Bella opened her eyes but didn't uncross her arms. She stared at Eddie and it was probably the first time they every made eye contact for longer than a couple of seconds. In the sun, the roots of her hair had red in it.

"Don't call me that." She ordered.

"What?"

"Bella. Don't call me Bella."

Eddie didn't say anything.

"Just don't do it okay." Bella turned towards Eddie's house and squinted. "You don't know me like that."

Eddie looked down and stared at his house too. In front of his porch their was a pile of skateboards.

"Is Emmett here?"she asked finally, traces of frustration still evident in her tone.

"Probably."

"Emmett!" She screamed suddenly towards the dark house. A couple of dogs nearby started barking.

"Whoa, calm down, yo. My mom's probably in there sleeping." Eddie grabbed her arm and pulled her back, trying to hush her.

Belle knitted her eyebrows and looked down at their arms touching. Her look softened a bit, but ripped her arm away from his quickly.

"Cullen!" A deep voice roared from the front porch.

Both Bella and Eddie turned to see Sam standing there, with Jake by his side. Jake right behind his left shoulder, looking tall and defensive. He moved his eyes from where Eddie had held Belle and back to his face.

"Shit." Eddie murmured.

"Who's this?" Sam asked, looking at Bella. His voice was menacing and dark. The tattoos on his arms and neck seemed illuminated in the dusk. He was a bit frightening.

Before Eddie could respond, a gust of wind blew in from in front of them and hit him in the eyes. Bella's hair flew off of her face and she covered the stinging wound on her face instinctively.

"What happened?" Eddie saw Jake shout.

In just a matter of second, Jake jumped off of the stairs and ran to Bella. "What happened to your face? What the fuck is that?"

Eddie had never seen Jake so angry before in his life. His arms were shaking and his eyebrows were so scrunched up they looked as if they were going to meet in the middle and form a uni-brow. It was just a stupid cut.

"She'll be fine." Eddie couldn't help but laugh at him. Jake's eyebrows shot up.

"You fucking bastard!" Jake launched himself at Eddie without warning and began punching him in the stomach.

"How dare you touch her! How fucking dare you, _you piece of shit_!"

Eddie closed his eyes and groaned. It was just Jake, yet if felt like he had five guys hitting him all at once. He couldn't handle it. The pain was intolerable.

Eddie didn't have the energy to fight back. He hadn't ate or sleep for days and in result he was beginning to fade away slowly. Each blow to him was getting slower and slower, deeper and more painful. His vision got blurry.

He heard a scream and a couple of different voices around him and suddenly the blows stopped coming. Before him, Eddie saw nothing but the orange sky above him. The already shapeless clouds looking even more deformed and just as meaningless... as he felt.

"Get the fuck off him, is he breathing?" He heard Jasper's voice.

"He is." Bella's high pitched voice rang above the others.

For a moment, something blocked his view from the sky. A shadow, a disturbance. In his trance, that was all he had-the beauty of the sky. Now he was staring at a dark figure above him. He squinted dazedly, trying to make out the features. With a jolt of pleasure he saw that it was the woman from his dream. Her pale skin was glowing, and her long brown hair fell on his chest like a soft, chocolate waterfall.

"Bella." He mouthed.

"Everyone needs to calm the fuck down, now! Let him talk. This ought to be good." Sam's voice called. His voice sounded eager, amused even.

A silence followed, giving Eddie a chance to explain himself, but he just decided to let go. He litereally felt his eyeballs roll back to his head. It wasn't as comfortable as he thought it would've been.

Bullshit, he thought, as he drifted away.


End file.
